


So you can leave like the sane, abandon me

by Psilactis



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Homelessness, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Rape Aftermath, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 15:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psilactis/pseuds/Psilactis
Summary: A study of what Klaus' time in the streets was like, before the events of the series





	So you can leave like the sane, abandon me

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank remylebeau for convincing me to write this. If anything sounds gramatically weird, it's because none of us speak english as a first language.

The sun was beginning to rise when Klaus finally managed to move from the spot he’d been laying in the alleyway for the past couple hours. The streets were still as empty as they had been in the middle of the night, everyone still enjoying the last minutes of sleep and their warm homes.

Klaus was checking his coat, ensuring everything he’d carried in there hadn’t slipped out. He’d lost his money and most of his drugs, but his documents and some pills had remained in his inner pockets. He was starting to walk when he felt his legs give out under him, and he seeked the dirty walls for support. He stayed like that for a few moments, catching his breath, staring at the ground, arms and hands working to hold himself up against the grimy wall. When he felt like he could walk without faltering again, he moved.

Ben was waiting for him outside the alley. His back was leaning against a tree and he was watching the sunrise. Klaus wondered if he had slept at all. He wondered if ghosts ever slept, or if that was an ability they lost along with their lives. That would explain why so many of them were always so mad, so enraged, so willing to try and attack him, even if they couldn’t actually touch him. He never thought to ask.

Ben never stayed with him when these sort of things happened. He had tried, at first. To give Klaus support, or reassurance, or just some semblance of familiarity so he could bear it. Until the whole thing itself started to _be_ familiar. So now he just waited, somewhere close, where Klaus could _feel_ him, but also where Ben could just. Not see what was happening. Not be witness to it. At first, Klaus had been fairly confused by the sudden change, but also relieved. It was better for both of them, like this. Klaus in the alleyways, worrying his mind with other things, thinking about his pills, about his weed, sometimes he thought of fashion, of cats exploring the city and dogs running in prairies. Anything to busy his mind. While Ben stayed out in the street, watching the cars go by, and then the stars, and then the sunrise, until Klaus felt like he could face society, the world, and most importantly, his brother, again.

Sometimes, it felt lonely. But as soon as Klaus walked out of the alley, and saw his brother, still there, still waiting, sometimes with the monster on his stomach still cautiously swirling around underneath his shirt and coat, he felt like things could still turn out okay, somehow. If Ben was still willing to wait for him. Still angry over him. It meant that, maybe, he was still worth something. At least for Ben, he was. Even if it was just as Ben’s last connection to the world of the living. Being used like that was a fair price to pay to feel needed.

Today was not one of the monster days. Ben was just calmly waiting for Klaus, just watching the sky slowly rise from his hiding place. When he noticed Klaus walking out of the alleyway, his brow furrowed, noticing how Klaus was limping slightly. He didn’t say anything. He never did. Not at first.

They started walking  together, slowly making their way through the still empty streets. Soon, people would begin leaving their houses, making their way to coffeeshops or straight to work, getting their day started. Klaus wanted to take advantage of the empty streets to get where he needed to be, without being stared at. His siblings always thought Klaus liked to be looked at, liked to be the center of attention. But after nights like these, spent on the dirty, sometimes wet, ground of dark alleyways, he wanted anything but.

He would be looking for food first, Ben knew. Klaus would always wake up hungry, almost to the point of starvation, after. Sometimes, after Klaus had taken some particularly hard drugs, almost to the point of overdose, he would even jump on dumpsters searching for half eaten food. Anything, really, that was edible. He  would crack some jokes, his eyes still wild from the high. Ben would laugh and make fun of him. Sometimes, those almost OD nights could be fun. Klaus would still be conscious enough to make jokes and still see Ben, so they both could enjoy it, somehow. But today, today was a somber day. Klaus would want to feel better, and jokes were not a way to do it, Ben knew. So he remained quiet. They both did.

After a few blocks, some people were already starting to show up on the streets. Klaus stopped at a red pedestrian light. When the light turned green, he hesitated, looked around with glassy eyes.

“You turn left two blocks over” Ben supplied, on the lightest, calmest voice he could conceive. He knew how Klaus felt after these things. He felt lost, and more often than not, he would lose himself, in his thoughts and in the city. Ben also knew where they were going, for they went there more often than not. Especially in the particularly cold months, when things got especially harder.

When they got there, the church was already receiving people. Some of them knew Klaus, some they had never met before. This early in the morning, there was not much small talk going on, no one wanted to disturb the calmness of the hour. Klaus got in line, and soon enough he was receiving his free share of bread. He thanked the lady who handed him his piece with a nod and an unsteady smile, and went outside, sitting on the stairs of the side entrance, while he ate, enjoying every small bite as if it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, even if it was just simple bread.

After he was done, he collected himself once more, and  got ready for the journey to the gym. Once more taking to the streets, he started walking. After Klaus went past the bus stop, Ben realized Klaus had probably had all his money taken away, and now he would have to walk a couple kilometers to get where he wanted to. It would be at least one hour of silence, Ben realized. Klaus never liked talking before thoroughly cleaning himself. Ben remembered when Klaus, in the middle of a bad trip, told him why: he felt sub-human, unable to talk until he cleaned the dirt and grime off of himself. Cleaning himself made Klaus feel a little bit more like a human again.

They slowly made their way through the city, avoiding the ever growing flow of people. Klaus would not face any of them, and all of them, so engrossed in their own personal life and struggles, in their own hurry to get where they needed to be, did not notice Klaus. To them, he was just another face in a sea of people.

When they got there, John was just finishing opening up shop. He greeted Klaus like he always did, with a curt nod and a wary glance. John was the owner of the stinky little gym in a not-so-good part of town, but a calm, clean, mostly residential area. After his first couple of years in the streets, Klaus realized he needed some more stability and safety in what regarded his personal belongings and his body hygiene.

Klaus did drugs to keep the ghosts away, but if he could not keep himself showered, fed and properly taken care of, that usually meant disease. And disease meant hospitals. Which meant no illegal drugs. No drugs plus hospitals, for someone who could see the dead, were not two things that should go together. So Klaus learned.

He struck a deal with John: he would pay a small fee to get a locker and access to the showers in the gym, but he would keep himself, and his drugs, away from the small neighborhood community. So he did. Even if that was one of the most safe districts for sleeping, he made himself scarce, only showing up when he needed the shower or to get things from his locker. Which was today.

He got what he needed from his locker, a fresh pair of pants, a new shirt, a couple bills of money. Soon enough, Klaus was finally under the hot, hot pressure of the shower head. He was scrubbing very hard at himself, trying to get clean. He was dirty. So dirty. He still could feel those hands grabbing him, shoving him against the wall. They were rough hands, full of calluses. Probably had been living on the streets far longer than Klaus had. Maybe he didn’t even live in the streets at all. Big, muscular and well nourished like that didn’t usually mean “homeless”.

“I was going to just take your money, but now that I see that pretty little face, I don’t think I can hold myself back” he had said. That’s along the same lines of what they all said, when they said anything at all.

Klaus’ skin was getting all red under the shower. He was still fiercely scrubbing everywhere the man had touched. He felt grubby. He felt filthy. He would never feel clean again. The first times it happened, he felt like he could be clean again. But now, he knew, he would never be.

“You need to get tested” Ben said in a small voice. It was time now, to remind Klaus of the practical things he had to do. If Ben didn’t get Klaus’ mind working on the next task, he would scrub himself raw. Ben knew there were no comforting words he could ever tell Klaus, to make him feel better, feel like things would get better. Both of them, Ben and Klaus, had been cursed with their powers, instead of gifted. Their powers were their demises. And just like there was nothing that could have been done for Ben, apart from accepting that which he hated the most about himself, Ben knew it was the same for Klaus.

“I know. Thank you for reminding me” Klaus said with a small smile. Ben knew, things would not get better anytime soon. But maybe, if he kept himself at his brothers side, maybe they would, one day. He was not alive anymore, but Klaus was, and Ben would do anything he could to keep his brother safe. Even if, for now, that just meant hanging around him and giving him small reminders on what to do next.


End file.
